Saving Grace

Shaping Your Path
Is that all there really is? This is a question we may ask ourselves at times. Of course there are ideas like ‘infinite love’ and ‘timelessness.’ At the everyday level, we are clocking up so much complex processing of life. Words shape stories, stories shape emotions, thoughts concretise identity, identity governs behaviour. Is that really how it works? Not even a fraction. Yet, as if lulled into one unconscious yawn, we are made to believe so. And so the narrative of our lives gets reinforced by our behaviour, which reinforces the narrative. There’s no real mystery or mastery going on is there?

I offer my response, which has two branches: 1) Tedium is the raw material to carve out mastery. 2) Mastery takes more lateral movement than forward movement.

One of the greatest things I’ve heard recently is ‘Passion does not get you to mastery. Boredom and tedium does.’ It is inaccurately paraphrasing Robert Greene – author, most famous for his work The 48 Laws of Power, but for me, it struck a chord. We cannot show up every day to our ‘passion’ and expect to be ‘passionate’ – exuberant, peak-performing, and in love with our favourite activity. It is just as much of a progress killer as constantly comparing ourselves to the perfected level of the masters (though modelling behaviour on them is helpful). After hours, days, years of putting in daily effort, artistry naturally comes. At that point, it feels free-flowing, it feels delightful. And it inspires the world around us.

When it comes to good emotional health, which has a large bearing on how ‘happy’ we are, it is our sideways steps which really start to take us in positive directions. This is how I relate to some fundamental insights I have learned in my first week of the BEI (Beyond Emotional Intelligence) Coaching Certification Course. Understanding how emotions and the brain work is important to formulate strategies to ‘shake up the system,’ and make it work for you. So you can have agency in how you relate to life, how you shape your story, and how you live with ease and peace.

Refining Prediction

It only takes a small insight into the so-called ‘fixed nature’ of things, to see that they have an ‘illusory nature.’ Things that seem ‘beliefs’ begin to break down. If we step out of the way while it crumbles, we have more space to breathe, to see it all differently, and we are in a more supportive position to give our crumbling identities a nice, warm hug. Within us is the capacity to cut through, and to also be our own saving grace.

How might I start being my own saving grace? In using the BEI language, I can say that ‘this fills my cup,’ or ‘this depletes me.’ So I observe how my ‘ways of being’ start to become more aligned with what I want, and who I want to be. This is a tremendous relief. And means I can show up for others and help them discover this freedom. Or at least, be more present with others, and focus on sharing quality interactions with them, and with Life.

This week BEI also shared a framework that reshapes the brain-feeling-body system. BEI describes the ‘Precursor of Emotions,’ a few factors that give rise to, and continue to colour, emotions. It is very obvious in life that we ‘like’ or ‘dislike’ things. However, I have never paid that much attention to the intensity of likes and dislikes. The intensity results in emotions that give us signals. And then we prioritise the importance of why we do or don’t do something, and how urgent it is. Knowing this, we can begin to practice having conscious responses to how much we like or dislike something. We are also given a window to ask ‘why?’

What if in fact, I try doing something new? It may make me uncomfortable. But if I choose a different story of ‘why’ I will do it, I become more open to trying. Such things as having a difficult conversation, taking a piano class. Working fully on a task to completion. Even just getting out of the house. Here, self-compassion and rest are very important, to have time to soften the rawness of stretching into new experiences. And also, during that new experience, experimenting with ‘being there for myself,’ should discomfort arise. To be able to drop into some alleviation for a small moment. Of course this is a skill that takes time to develop. So the self-care is practiced, with care.

In playing around with these courses of action, it initially involves many steps sideways. It is helpful not to force ‘passion’ into these experiences. Artistry will come. In the doing is the art. Also, it is an unhealthy habit to look for and crave immediate results. Good things take time. Auxiliary skills and wisdom (results of sideways steps) contribute to a more flexible, responsive, and loving version of me. New ground is already being broken.

Pushing the Envelope

In the world of Ace Egos I am creating – a book, card games, and a Fortune Telling practice – there are two Superpowers called Pioneer and Fountain. Pioneer embodies moving toward a goal. Sometimes taking sideways steps; sometimes forward, and many backward. No matter if people say it can’t be done, the Pioneer believes it can. In moments of setback, the Pioneer’s belief to continue trying is what takes them to new heights. Where one exhausts all possibilities and gives up, the Pioneer pushes through tedium into new possibility. It takes tenacity. Never discarding anything. Pioneer ‘types’ are Scientists, Artists, or anyone who brings innovation to their field.

The Fountain is about being free-flowing. The fruit of discovery belongs to the Fountain. They rest in the success of victory. And there is an overflowing, sharing that victory with others. The Fountain is a ‘returner.’ They have established the flow, something we can all enjoy. The Fountain can choose to multiply their outpouring. It is a place of abundance and gifting others. Great examples of a Fountain type would be a Teacher or Coach.

The Pioneer and the Fountain are the effort and the giving. Both have attained mastery, one through forging ahead; the other through gradually finding a groove. In helping ourselves and each other to realise greater Emotional Intelligence, I think it takes a little of both of these superpowers. To exercise them at various times in our lives, continually building better relationships and communities. In this, the ego having ‘superpowers’ has less importance, rather it is being of service that comes to the forefront. Afterall, we are all just helping each other home.

Header Image: Johannes Plenio. Visit their profile on Pexels 👉 click here